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The current year signifies a full decade since the term “vanishing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the notion that someone could suddenly stop all contact with a lover without a word seemed like the pinnacle of rudeness. Our innocence was charming. In the ten-year span since, navigating toward a significant other has only become more perplexing – an commonly pointless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly defined by social media lingo.

Gen Z, a demographic who matured during a social isolation epidemic, a masculinity reckoning, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever envision. And so their dating glossary has grown longer and more bizarre, with terms like “Shrekking” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your mental fortitude.

The following list is a detailed breakdown to the phrases gen Z is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the recent most enduring memes, by the end of this guide you’ll yearn to get back to a bygone era – because where that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ideal is showing up as your true, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A TikTok trend loosely based on a methodology developed by relationship scientists, in which you bring up something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and pay attention to whether your partner’s reaction is engaged or brushed off. If they do not want to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Black cat girlfriend – Zoomers' response to the “quirky fantasy girl” trope of the early 2000s – but rather than having baby bangs, liking indie music and avoiding commitment, the black cat girlfriend puts herself first while exuding enigma and independence. (She could possibly have that fringe.)

The Letter C

Seat theory – This signifies going for someone who aids you unprompted. If you entered a room, they would get a seat for you to take a load off.

Choremance – A meet-up where two people bond while doing chores, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how broke people in their 20s do affordable dating in a post-cheap-date world.

Melting down – Having a breakdown when you feel burdened by life. You can spiral over a crush or breakup, dumping all of your unreciprocated feelings.

The Letter D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a marker of 80s young urban professional excess, it refers to couples who forgo parenthood to prioritize their own happiness. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of playing it cool: embracing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits suggesting a potential partner is not right. Such as calling their former partners unstable, poor gratuity habits, a love of Woody Allen films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Positive signs – These traits affirm your decision to pursue a mate. Such as checking in to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal phone use, owning a proper bed …
• Neutral quirks – These typically describe specific, largely inoffensive quirks. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Shared obsession pairing – When you find someone who’s just as enthusiastic about documentaries about the second world war or DVD collecting or art or whatever it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, finding someone who loathes the same things or individuals that you do (nothing fosters intimacy faster than sharing a common enemy).

The Letter G

The band Geese – A band your gen Z boyfriend listens to.

Phantom reappearing – Someone who pops back into your life after a length of silence.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and loyal. The rare partner who is liked by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Gooners – A primarily online community of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying climax so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women’s increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as no surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is sexually desirable, nurturing and happily home-oriented, who seemingly has no aspirations of her own other than satisfying her man partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to understand the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane repulsions that instantly extinguish any sense of attraction.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else get an extremely sweet gesture.

The Letter J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ultimate partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will provide (there’s a popular TikTok audio on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd prefer partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more nurturing among us: healthcare workers, teachers or counselors.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16m years. But the days of kissing may be waning since some Zoomers want fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy authentic.

Enhanced profile crafting – Mild deception. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using older (better) pictures of yourself on a dating app profile, or making your job sound more prestigious than it is. Also known as {